We've Gone Insane..., ... We are estranged, we are deranged

[Janus]

{{OOC: Hecate first, then open.}}

This was so confusing even to a great mind like his. A place unlike any he'd ever seen before. It was so distant from everything he'd known in his life (he could feel that this was a place far away from Belgium, and Europe) and it made him anxious although he would hate to admit it; Lanus would hate it even more. Perhaps one would expect that a dog of his age, who had experienced so many changes of owners, would think that travelling was a piece of cake, but this time everything felt so unnatural. It was as if he wasn't quite there. Janus could feel a light throbbing near his temples and let out a weak sigh. Mayhap he only felt like this because of his bloody migraine. 'Again... it couldn't come at a worse time,' he thought and looked around. The surroundings consisted of mountains and rubble, and the thin, dangerous paths, winding their ways around the mountain had led them to a place where it was possible to see the horizon, though there was a lot of debris scattered about making the view less than satisfactory. Janus turned around to his friend and unofficial sister, Hecate. "The terrain is becoming rather harsh..." he said and sat down, panting slightly and turning his head back to the horizon. "This is so very different from any other places we have ever been to." Janus eyebrows were slightly contracted as if concerned, but the smirk on his face confessed that he was also excited. Whatever could these new surroundings have to show them? Surely this had to be a land that held some interesting information and mysteries to feed one's head with.

However, they were quite lost. Janus sense of direction was not bad, but so shortly after ending up in a foreign country he was a bit disoriented. It had been his idea to go up into these mountains, and so Hecate had all the rights to scold him for making them take this route. They couldn't go back though - theoretically they could, but they'd been walking these treacherous mountain paths for a while now and to turn back would only tire them more, and they would gain no progress by regressing. Janus stifled a growl when the pain in his head suddenly exploded for a short moment. He didn't want Hecate to notice, she had enough to worry about. "I wonder," he began, slowly, "why they let us go. Humans do not normally release dogs like that into the wild. And why would they want to release us? We have our share of problems, I have my headaches and you--" Janus stopped suddenly. What good would it be to remind themselves of their faults at a moment like this? "Well, no matter. Freedom can't be too bad, as long as we keep clear from the weak, licentious crowd out there." Janus was not a contemptuous dog by nature but could feel annoyance and sometimes anger at the "less educated" dogs, which he could hardly relate to. Lanus on the other hand loathed them with all his being.

Hecate was the only one who was on an equal level with Janus. While it was not completely impossible to find other intelligent canines, they would never be able compare to Janus and Hecate's relationship. They were like siblings, and though they had their share of quarrels they understood each others well. Perhaps it was thanks to their mental illnesses that this bond between them had come to exist, but it didn't really matter.

[Hecate]

Hecate's paws ached, and her body seemed to want to rest from walking. She didn't really care about that at the moment, she was used to being exhausted and so was her body even in her age. The roads ahead she didn't enjoy one bit, and she certainly didn't want to think about them. The winding rocks, the paths, the mountains so uneven as if they had been randomly created with no sense of symmetry or otherwise. Hecate closed her eyes, trying to remind herself that they would get through this. There was nice, smooth, even land ahead of them. And she knew it, or at least she told herself that. The one thing Hecate loved about once being a herding dog was the fields, how even and clean they were. She hardly cared about her condition when she ran through such fields (though something always brought it up eventually), and she missed that already. She would have liked to be in an uneven and weeded place than this rocky trap they walked through. She let out a small growl of disgust and did her best to simply close her eyes and stay as close to Janus as she could.

"The terrain is becoming rather harsh..This is so very different from any other places we have ever been to."

Wasn't that the truth? Hecate opened her eyes and sat down next to Janus as well. She panted, though she tried to hide it. She knew she could go on further, even though she had to admit she was afraid. Every other time they'd travel together, the land looked almost exactly the same. The scents were the same, so were the sounds. Now Hecate was afraid. Was she to blame for this? Maybe she'd done something incredibly wrong? She whined slightly, 'I knew I messed up a few times..maybe I bit a sheep too hard. I didn't mean too, but they wouldn't get in line. And if their not in line some dangerous animal could come and eat them! And eat Janus!' Hecate shook her head violently, trying to sort through her own thoughts. "Of course its rather harsh! Its different because the humans don't like me. I probably did something wrong, Janus! And now we're lost because-because-" She growled and barred her fangs slightly at him, "because you decided you knew the way! I don't recognize this place, and I've been to more farms and fields than you have! But sure, just-just lead the way. I'm sure-sure" she stuttered in her anger, why didn't we try to ask for directions? Why didn't we stay near the flat land? Where everything was even and nice and right. Janus, have you looked at the rocks? Look at them, their so uneven. They don't look right, they should be fixed." Hecate whined, pawing at the ground slightly, she didn't like all of this change around her. It certainly did her condition no good.

"I wonder, why they let us go. Humans do not normally release dogs like that into the wild. And why would they want to release us? We have our share of problems, I have my headaches and you--Well, no matter. Freedom can't be too bad, as long as we keep clear from the weak, licentious crowd out there."

Hecate listened to Janus rather like a student listening to a teacher. Janus was a brother to her, she always looked up to him even though she knew his darker side was always at risk of showing himself. She knew him ever since they were little, and nothing was going to separate them now. And of course, some things could-things that would drive Hecate insane if she ever knew about them. She nodded, understanding what Janus said as she tried to calm down her horrible thoughts of them growing weak with hunger and dying out here. Of falling off of the mountain paths-of her being the one to do it to Janus. What a horrible thought indeed! "I don't know why they believed it to be the best option for us. Maybe they grew tried of us? Of me? Maybe I insulted one of them..do you think maybe I attacked one of them? I don't remember it..but.." She shook her head. "Freedom..we'll be like the wolves who tried to eat our flock! Hunting and killing, we can't turn into such creatures." Images of savage like creatures twisted her mind and clouded it with sinful thoughts. She probably would have screamed if it were not for her fear of the trail collapsing. "Janus.." Hecate mumbled, "..you won't leave me, will you? You won't go on without me, even after what I've done to get us here? You aren't mad are-are you?" The images in her head still floated around, but she did her best to keep her mind off of it. She had to keep telling herself that they'd find a way, together. And she had to tell herself that Janus would protect her all the way, and she would do the same for him. They were the only family they had, and she was determined to keep it that way.

[Janus]

"Of course its rather harsh! Its different because the humans don't like me. I probably did something wrong, Janus! And now we're lost because-because- because you decided you knew the way! I don't recognize this place, and I've been to more farms and fields than you have! But sure, just-just lead the way. I'm sure-sure why didn't we try to ask for directions? Why didn't we stay near the flat land? Where everything was even and nice and right. Janus, have you looked at the rocks? Look at them, their so uneven. They don't look right, they should be fixed."

Hecate's sudden blurt of words was incoherent and confusing to most, but Janus was used to them and nodded calmly now and then in reaction, other times he frowned. He took another sigh and shook his head. "My dear Hecate, you know as well as I that asking for directions will get us absolutely nowhere. We are strangers in this horrid country, and you know what the locals thinks of strangers, tourists - which we certainly are not - they see us as fools, easy prey. They will only trick us. Would you want one of them to lead us astray to some dangerous place, some place even worse than this? I know I wouldn't," he said and glanced at the rocks. "We will soon reach the flat land. See this as a test... yes, a test. You will be proud over yourself when we get down from here. You will have endured another trial. No?" These words probably had as much of a calming effect on Hecate as if she would have been told that she had a grotesque bump growing out of her back, but Janus thought it to be good, encouraging words. The wind blew and ruffled the thick fur surrounding Janus' head, making him for a moment look like a proud lion viewing his lands.

"I don't know why they believed it to be the best option for us. Maybe they grew tried of us? Of me? Maybe I insulted one of them..do you think maybe I attacked one of them? I don't remember it..but.. Freedom..we'll be like the wolves who tried to eat our flock! Hunting and killing, we can't turn into such creatures. Janus.. ..you won't leave me, will you? You won't go on without me, even after what I've done to get us here? You aren't mad are-are you?"

Again, his eyebrows collided and made Janus' face seem troubled and terribly old. "Insulted...? But how? We are good herding dogs, good and loyal, are we not? Have we not always done our duty as best as we could, have we not constantly tried to keep our troubles at bay? I do not comprehend why they would do this to us," said he and blinked a couple of times, the headache made itself heard and he lost his train of thought. "But what else could we do, Hecate, than become wild animals? The humans do not want us anymore. They have abandoned us, don't you see?" Janus turned to her and his expression was shocked as well as melancholy, and he moved his head slowly (for it hurt to shake it too violently) to the right and to the left. "Sister, you know I would never leave you. I have never had that thought, and never will. Do not blame yourself for... this isn't your fault. I'm certain of it, so do not think about it." He managed to press forth a smile, but his gaze seemed to be far away - he was looking through Hecate, beyond her, and inside his head it felt like a little demon sat, bludgeoning it with a hammer. "Mad?" he whispered. "I think we're all mad. This world, it is mad." With this said Janus stood up again and proceeded to, slowly, start walking over the large amount of stones and pebbles that lay on the road. The idea of becoming barbarous, wild animals didn't appeal to him at all, but he tried to see the facts and realize that they were not going back to any kind humans that could smother them with love and food anymore. They were all alone in this world, and had only each other.

[Hecate]

"My dear Hecate, you know as well as I that asking for directions will get us absolutely nowhere. We are strangers in this horrid country, and you know what the locals thinks of strangers, tourists - which we certainly are not - they see us as fools, easy prey. They will only trick us. Would you want one of them to lead us astray to some dangerous place, some place even worse than this? I know I wouldn't,"

Hecate listened to Janus, he was one of the few who listened to her so she always saw it fit to listen to him in return. Of course, it wasn't really about respect that made her listen anymore. Janus was like that older brother who protected you from bullies in Hecate's mind, even though they were the same age and were well past their youth with bullies. It was much better for Hecate's state of mind to occasionally forget she was no longer a young pup. And soon, she would have to come with terms that she was no longer a herding dog. No longer with a flock of sheep to collect and protect. She hated the thought, it was the only thing she was ever totally good at without much fault. It was one of those jobs were her condition worked to her advantage. No predator would dare touch a flock who was under such watchful eyes as Hecate. "I understand, brother. It's clear now that you say it. They think they can heard us, like sheep." He words sounded childish, but they were meant with absolute seriousness. Her mind may have not been in its best state at times, but subtract her condition and Hecate was smart. "They think that we can be lead in any direction and used for whatever they wish of us. We know better, we used to do the herding. Oh how the tables have turned against us, brother. I am sorry to have thought that..but we are still lost. And we still have no idea where this path or that path takes us. And anyone we find my very well try to herd us to our deaths, brother. We need to prove that we are better than that, to everyone else. We need to..find other skills." Hecate rambled, though her words were the truth. In order to survive, they had to make their herding abilities into hunting ones. After all, herding was like hunting only without the blood and pain and killing. Hecate knew this, she knew how the wolves and stray dogs used to cooperate. And she was sure Janus knew it, too.

"We will soon reach the flat land. See this as a test... yes, a test. You will be proud over yourself when we get down from here. You will have endured another trial. No?"

Hecate whimpered a little. She didn't like the sound of that. 'Tests, trials..trials..I was never good at them.' It wasn't that she failed them; trials-herding trials that is-but she was much better at herding without crowds to see her. Of course, she knew it wasn't that kind of test or trial, but it still had that effect on her. At least for the moment, and to a point. "I just have to keep my head up. Maybe I'll see the flat lands before you do, then. And after this is done, we can laugh it off, can't we? It can't be that hard, I'm sure-sure other dogs have done it. And humans too. And humans are much weaker than dogs, and many dogs are weaker than us." Her ramblings were more to push herself on, she already felt less tired, even though she wished desperately for the land not to be so randomly cut and shaped. The hike would have been much more enjoyable then.

"Insulted...? But how? We are good herding dogs, good and loyal, are we not? Have we not always done our duty as best as we could, have we not constantly tried to keep our troubles at bay? I do not comprehend why they would do this to us. But what else could we do, Hecate, than become wild animals? The humans do not want us anymore. They have abandoned us, don't you see?"

"I see that, I see it clearly Janus. I am not idiotic nor brainless," she wanted to add on but stopped herself, the less she thought about it the less the thoughts seemed to antagonize her. Well, at least for the moment. They seemed to be muted for now, they would arise sooner or later but for now they were pushed back into her skull as she tried to regain her cleared thoughts. "I just do not comprehend why they would, unless we did something horribly wrong. I always thought I was loyal, I always did my best. You know that. Even if I complained that I didn't, I always wanted to no matter how tired or sick I might have been. I don't like being abandoned, brother. Not like this, not with the feeling that I was the cause of it. Not with the feeling that my best wasn't good enough for the humans. Humans are supposed to be kind and good and not monsters, and yet now they do this to us. I guess the humans here aren't like the ones we used to know, or maybe the ones we used to know are rare." She shifted rather uncomfortably. She didn't want to think that humans were capable of such heartless acts, even though she was now a victim both she and Janus (and countless thousands of others). No human ever beat her because of her condition, they scolded her-maybe lectured her-but she never knew the pain of abuse. Neglect was probably even worse for her. Humans, as deaf as they were where the closest things to her other than Janus. If Janus weren't here, Hecate may have done something extreme and wouldn't be alive now.

"Sister, you know I would never leave you. I have never had that thought, and never will. Do not blame yourself for... this isn't your fault. I'm certain of it, so do not think about it."

Hecate nodded, "I will try, brother. Try as hard as I possibly can." And even though it may have sounded like a lie, it really wasn't. Hecate would try her best, but that didn't mean it would work, and surely didn't mean she wouldn't stop blaming herself. She wanted to believe Janus ever so much. Wanted to make sure that the days in the future when she needed him the most, no matter how she screwed up that he wasn't going to vanish. As for Janus, Hecate would never leave his side. The thought never crossed her mind. It was like they had some bond like a collar and leash that wasn't going to break no matter what hardships they faced.

"Mad? I think we're all mad. This world, it is mad."

Hecate knew Janus' headaches, and she probably already figured out he was under the spell of one. She already knew about his two-faced personality, but she never called him out on it or scolded him for it. He had as much control over it as she had over her condition; and that wasn't much. Hecate had hardly heard Janus whisper those words, but she did hear enough of it. A small, very slight smile grew on her countenance as she followed Janus. He smile faded rather quickly, but she whispered even fainter, "We're all mad here. Mad as hatters." She then looked at the ground, counting the stones and quite quickly and without warning, began to kick and prod and push the ones that were small enough for her to move into various clumps and piles and whatnot. She muttered some things incoherently, but it was quite obvious that she did this to make everything as 'perfect' as possible. She also kept an eye on Janus, every few moments looking up so she had him in her sight.

[Janus]

"I understand, brother. It's clear now that you say it. They think they can heard us, like sheep. They think that we can be lead in any direction and used for whatever they wish of us. We know better, we used to do the herding. Oh how the tables have turned against us, brother. I am sorry to have thought that..but we are still lost. And we still have no idea where this path or that path takes us. And anyone we find my very well try to herd us to our deaths, brother. We need to prove that we are better than that, to everyone else. We need to..find other skills."

Anyone else who'd heard Janus' paranoid words would probably try to talk reason to him, say that not everyone in this world wanted to do them harm, but not Hecate. Perhaps because she too was or had become paranoid after what had happened to them, or she simply saw no reason in arguing - and she did right in doing so since Janus would never change his opinion even if he could pretend. "We have always been used by the humans, but before this... we were more equal to them, but now, now we're simply a nuisance to be dealt with - herded like you said - we are no longer partners, no longer friends, comrades, or family. Yes, sister, we are the sheep now. If only we had our own sheep to herd, perhaps it would feel better then, mayhap there would be a certain balance in being a sheep but also herding one's own," said Janus and looked at the path he slowly walked - almost dragged himself on. They were rather high up, but the road seemed to go down from here on. "We can't be too far from reaching the flat ground. We have to be alert and trust nobody but each others. Other skills, sister? But what skills can we possibly learn - is it even possible to learn old dogs like us new tricks?" A slight sadness could be seen in Janus eyes when he thought about his body's, and mind's age. "But yes. We have to do the best of the situation. We are intelligent enough to figure out how to survive in the wild and our history of being herding dogs surely must be of some use to us."

"I just have to keep my head up. Maybe I'll see the flat lands before you do, then. And after this is done, we can laugh it off, can't we? It can't be that hard, I'm sure-sure other dogs have done it. And humans too. And humans are much weaker than dogs, and many dogs are weaker than us."

Janus' weak smile had returned. He did not notice how insensitive or downright useless his words had been, but it had been the only thing he could think of to say; he usually thought about things that way too. His headaches were only temporary and would disappear after a while, and even though he got memory losses or blurry images - often altered memories from when his other self took over - it all became better after a while, and he could feel proud over himself for having endured more pain and confusion. "You might... if you don't get distracted," he said as if to foreshadow the pawing at rocks she would occupy herself with later on. "Yes, humans are so weak, yet, they rule over us."

"I see that, I see it clearly Janus. I am not idiotic nor brainless, I just do not comprehend why they would, unless we did something horribly wrong. I always thought I was loyal, I always did my best. You know that. Even if I complained that I didn't, I always wanted to no matter how tired or sick I might have been. I don't like being abandoned, brother. Not like this, not with the feeling that I was the cause of it. Not with the feeling that my best wasn't good enough for the humans. Humans are supposed to be kind and good and not monsters, and yet now they do this to us. I guess the humans here aren't like the ones we used to know, or maybe the ones we used to know are rare."

"Oh sister, you are far from brainless and idiotic! Do not liken yourself to a nincompoop!" Janus didn't get angry, he rarely did, but more like sad. "I don't like it either Hecate. I am very... very confused. How I wish I knew how to speak with humans, or read their thoughts! Then everything would be so much better. I would ask them why they have done this to us, find out the truth. I want to believe that humans are kind too, most we met was kind, but we both know that there are exceptions. I cannot tell if the kind are the rare ones or vice versa, but we have heard horrible tales of evil men ever since we were pups, but never have we truly encountered one of them ourselves. Only seen glimpses of them. I think you might be right, perhaps, just maybe, we have come to a place where they, the evil humans gather up. To hunt and herd us and torture us and make us go even more insane..." Janus took a deep breath in order to calm down, then said under his breath; "Maybe it was decided from the beginning, and no human we met was truly kind to us for kindness sake... it was only their duty, to give us a false image of humans, and now they've sent us to this accursed, godforsaken place to torture us. Show us the true nature of humans and laugh at our naiveté, for believing in their kindness." Janus twitched. His paranoia seemed to have grown since they'd been released into the wild, and his thoughts were painful as well as frightening.

"I will try, brother. Try as hard as I possibly can."

Janus believed her words and even if she wouldn't be able to not blame herself, he knew that she did try her best. Just like he did his best to not mind his headaches or trying not to go under from his increasing paranoid thoughts.

"We're all mad here. Mad as hatters."

These faints words were hard to make out, but Janus did hear the thing about hatters. The difference from them and hatters were that they had no mercury poisoning to blame their conditions on. Janus looked over his shoulder to see Hecate trying to make perfect piles of stones. Of course, this didn't shock nor surprise him, though he felt somewhat annoyed as his headache continued. "You've lost your head Hecate! And soon, so have I..." He turned away again and continued to walk as if he had a heavy weight on his shoulders. This day would be long, oh so long...

[Hecate]

"We have always been used by the humans, but before this... we were more equal to them, but now, now we're simply a nuisance to be dealt with - herded like you said - we are no longer partners, no longer friends, comrades, or family. Yes, sister, we are the sheep now. If only we had our own sheep to herd, perhaps it would feel better then, mayhap there would be a certain balance in being a sheep but also herding one's own, We can't be too far from reaching the flat ground. We have to be alert and trust nobody but each others. Other skills, sister? But what skills can we possibly learn - is it even possible to learn old dogs like us new tricks? But yes. We have to do the best of the situation. We are intelligent enough to figure out how to survive in the wild and our history of being herding dogs surely must be of some use to us."

Hecate's body probably would have collapsed if it were not for her obsession with always trying to be perfect and to always do her best. If it weren't for such mentality (which in all its faults did give her some small advantages) her body may have given out long ago, and if that were the case she would not have been here with Janus. Her ears flicked slightly at such a thought and she quickly tried to forget them. It was fruitless in the end, she would just think of something worse to replace it with. However even with such thoughts dancing around her head, Hecate was able to listen to what Janus had to say. "..I mean, maybe, turning our herding skills into hunting ones? It never looked that different from when the wolves or other dogs tried to hurt our sheep. And we aren't that old, brother." Hecate let a smile show on her jaws, "besides, you are the older one, anyway." Hecate's little joke made her chuckle a little as she continued on her way with Janus. Her thoughts scrambling through her brain and continuously warning and distracting her.


"Oh sister, you are far from brainless and idiotic! Do not liken yourself to a nincompoop! I don't like it either Hecate. I am very... very confused. How I wish I knew how to speak with humans, or read their thoughts! Then everything would be so much better. I would ask them why they have done this to us, find out the truth. I want to believe that humans are kind too, most we met was kind, but we both know that there are exceptions. I cannot tell if the kind are the rare ones or vice versa, but we have heard horrible tales of evil men ever since we were pups, but never have we truly encountered one of them ourselves. Only seen glimpses of them. I think you might be right, perhaps, just maybe, we have come to a place where they, the evil humans gather up. To hunt and herd us and torture us and make us go even more insane..."

Hecate didn't seem to be paying attention since his last statement, but she truly, was paying attention despite the fact it didn't seem so. "I don't think I would be able to handle anyone else's thoughts except my own. If most humans are mean and vile creatures, I would hate to read their mind. Mine is..filled with enough dark things." She shook her head as if disgusted by something, "I hope if I am right and this place is where all humankind is mixed up in a drunken stupor, that we do our best to stay away. At least we won't have to worry about humans following us this far up, especially with how..uneven..the terrain is." Hecate would have loved for nothing else than to get her paws on ground that was not as rickety and troublesome. That didn't fill her head with such painful thoughts, and didn't make her scramble around searching for the rocks and try to fix a puzzle that never existed.

Hecate didn't seem to hear Janus's other statement either, and perhaps it was for the better. She already preoccupied herself with moving all the rocks she could, occasionally in anger flinging them off the side of the treacherous path, only to catch a glimpse of the fall below and regret tossing the rock off the edge. "I hope rocks can't feel. I will feel horrible if I ever learn they do, won't you, Janus?" She didn't seem to see any end in sight to her reordering and rearranging the rocks. In fact, she not only would change how they sat, but even sometimes ran to a pile she had already made (thus meaning she would have to catch up to Janus) and replace one rock with another. She seemed to take this oddity in stride, but in fact her eyes were filled with worry, and her ears were upright and alert. She always glanced ahead at Janus as she rearranged the rocks, making sure nothing she did caused him any harm.

"You've lost your head Hecate! And soon, so have I..."

Hecate eventually caught up with Janus, though the worried fear in her eyes hadn't left yet. She still glanced at the surfaces around them, as if terrified by them. "Maybe the humans are the ones who are truly mad." Hecate observed, "do you think the humans caused this to happen to us? Our conditions, I mean. Do you think they did them to us? On purpose?" Hecate wasn't sure if her question was a serious on or not, and nor did she know if they were a product of her mind in its worst state, or a true question that she meant with a clear head. That is, if Hecate had a clear head.

[Janus]

"..I mean, maybe, turning our herding skills into hunting ones? It never looked that different from when the wolves or other dogs tried to hurt our sheep. And we aren't that old, brother, besides, you are the older one, anyway."

"Yes, yes of course. But will it be enough, I wonder? Maybe there's more that makes us different from real, wild dogs. We're not used to the kind of life we'll be facing - the kind of life we are all ready facing - so..." he shook his head, very gently, and seemed to grow tired at his own ramblings and unclear thoughts. If only this dreaded headache would go away! "I'm sorry, my thoughts are all jumbled up. They just won't sit still inside my head." Janus grinned slightly and chuckled. "Well now, our age difference isn't that big!" Talking with Hecate seemed to make him feel a little bit better, but it would never be able to cure his headaches. But it felt good to not be alone, it felt good to be together with someone else in this madness they walked through.

"I don't think I would be able to handle anyone else's thoughts except my own. If most humans are mean and vile creatures, I would hate to read their mind. Mine is..filled with enough dark things. I hope if I am right and this place is where all humankind is mixed up in a drunken stupor, that we do our best to stay away. At least we won't have to worry about humans following us this far up, especially with how..uneven..the terrain is."

Janus seemed to frown again, and before saying anything he was silent for a few minutes. "I guess what you're saying is right... my head is filled with so much pain that it surprises me that I can remember anything at all anymore, but still, think about all things we would learn from reading their minds! If we would acquire the knowledge that the humans possesses, then surely we would be able to get through this much easier," said Janus and a certain glimmer in his eyes appeared upon this splendid thought; more knowledge! "There is even the possibility of us finding a cure to our problems." Janus had become quite excited by his own words, completely unaware that it was possible that the knowledge he would get from reading the humans' minds or talking with them might as well become his fall into true insanity, but then grew solemn again. 'If there even is such a thing as a cure for us,' he thought. Albeit he wasn't certain if being cured was something he wanted. This was the life he had had for as long as he could remember, so what would he do if he was suddenly... healthy, "normal"? Would he even be able to live such a life, free of the complications he had suffered for so many years?

"I hope rocks can't feel. I will feel horrible if I ever learn they do, won't you, Janus?"

It was a silly statement that his sister made, indeed! But Janus couldn't completely disregard it and so he stopped to look over the edge where the poor stone had been tossed over, and then at the piles of stones. "I have never heard that they can, but there's a lot we don't know. I can't say for certain. Though, stones are hard, are they not? I'm sure that if they feel, it will take a lot more than throwing them off a cliff to make them hurt." This kind of reflection was something only they could do, Janus knew of no other dogs that would spend their time with discussions like those he and Hecate had. This was yet another reason why he preferred to be in the company of Hecate instead of being alone. He could start talking to himself if he would ever find himself to be separated from Hecate, but that wasn't nearly as entertaining (and sadly he had no way to talk to his other half, but then again if he knew of Lanus he probably wouldn't want to either). Janus needed someone to share his mad thoughts with, and indubitably Hecate did too.

"Maybe the humans are the ones who are truly mad. do you think the humans caused this to happen to us? Our conditions, I mean. Do you think they did them to us? On purpose?"

Janus climbed over a great boulder that was blocking the path and jumped down on the other side. "For all we know, they very well could, humans can do the queerest of things" he said while catching his breath. He was old but still had great stamina, though the bright sun made him get tired more easily. "We've heard of them experimenting on dogs as well as other animals, have we not? They might have done so to us too. But the question is when... exactly when did they do that?" Janus stood on the other side of the boulder waiting for Hecate to climb over it, and shuddered while he thought about humans and the powers they seemed to posses.

[Hecate]

"Yes, yes of course. But will it be enough, I wonder? Maybe there's more that makes us different from real, wild dogs. We're not used to the kind of life we'll be facing - the kind of life we are all ready facing - so..."

Hecate glanced at Janus as he spoke, a feeling of worry crossing through her eyes. After all, if they could not survive living in this horrible place what were they supposed to do? Her thoughts already began to turn grim and dark, thoughts telling her that in order to live they would have to separate; it was much easier to feed one than two. She pawed at the ground nervously, closing her eyes and trying to chase away the thoughts. Thoughts that were formed in her own mind, by her own voice, but not of her doing. They tormented her, they knew they tormented her. As if they were some sort of bully picking on her constantly, and no one dared to stop them. Images of the wild animals she had seen in her life, the dead ones by the sides of the road whose ribs could be counted through their fur. Only, the image was of Janus, wise Janus, her brother. 'No.. Hecate opened her eyes trying to erase the image that had embedded itself in her brain. That wouldn't happen, they were better, smarter than that. If anyone was going to starve to death, it would be their prey. Not them. Hecate filled her mind with as many lies as possible, so that she did not feel the pain of her other thoughts that were possible truths.

"I'm sorry, my thoughts are all jumbled up. They just won't sit still inside my head. Well now, our age difference isn't that big!"

In an instant, Hecate's horrible visions and thoughts were wiped clean. Her paws no longer scraped at the ground, and her eyes no longer were filled with fear (although traces of worry swam through them), and was that a faint smile on her jaws? She seemed to brighten a little at Janus saying his thoughts were jumbled up, along with him replying to her joke. "My thoughts aren't just jumbled..they're twisted, I think. They're like normal thoughts, but they have some differences that are very...unpleasant." Hecate's tail then wagged slightly, "it still doesn't mean you can't be older!" She continued to go about her way trying to keep her terrible thoughts at bay.

'The first animal I come across..I'll certainly kill it and give it to Janus. I have to prevent-' One of her paws bumped against the pile of rocks she had made perfect only a few minutes ago, causing the rocks to fall out of place. She clenched her fangs, "Damnation!" Hecate growled, her ears flattening against her head. "I'm such a failure with this! I'll have to start all over again, and it won't be perfect like the the last time. Oh-oh-" Her head darted left and right, as she tried to figure out how to fix the situation. Others may have said to go and move on, that it wasn't a big deal, but if Hecate didn't fix it, she would think about all the dangers it could cause for weeks. She didn't need more of that. "No, no, no! I can't leave them like this, I have to fix them." She glanced at Janus with a nervous whine, and quickly began to rearrange the rocks. She was almost shaking with how urgent the matter was. One would have thought she had broken some monument and was trying to rebuild it.

"I guess what you're saying is right... my head is filled with so much pain that it surprises me that I can remember anything at all anymore, but still, think about all things we would learn from reading their minds! If we would acquire the knowledge that the humans possesses, then surely we would be able to get through this much easier, There is even the possibility of us finding a cure to our problems."

Hecate nodded, "..our problems...cured.." She seemed to whisper it, even as she stared down at the pile of rocks that she was trying to fix. "I wonder what it is like to..be cured. To be like everyone else, to not..see or think these horrendous thoughts! ..Maybe I'll go insane..in my own sanity, Janus, if they can do such a thing, I don't think I'd want to be a part of it." Hecate's words seemed to splutter out in odd sentences and thoughts that ended before totally starting. They started out saying one normal thing, and by the end were twisted into a new thought. She could not hold a concrete sentence easily when such a proposal was made. "If you were cured, brother, you wouldn't desert me, would you? You would still..accept me, right?" Hecate was smart enough to know if such a thing did happen, Janus and her's relationship would not be the same. Janus would still accept her, still be her brother-but she wouldn't be on the same level as he was. She wondered how long she would survive in the company of the 'sane', and the added fact that the sane one might be Janus was something that filled her with equal amounts of joy and fear. So much so, she almost forgot about the pile of rocks. Almost.

"I have never heard that they can, but there's a lot we don't know. I can't say for certain. Though, stones are hard, are they not? I'm sure that if they feel, it will take a lot more than throwing them off a cliff to make them hurt."

Hecate continued to work on making the stone pile perfect. Any slight lopsidedness sent Hecate back into a concentrated slur of rearranging the rocks. Pushing one rock to the left made it roll off the pile, and in a dreaded panic Hecate had to roll it back on with her nose. It would be almost comical if one could not walk down the path they had been on, and see these piles all around the sides. Hecate began trembling slightly, and this time Janus' words did not calm her. "...Maybe. But what of anyone below? I hope I haven't killed anyone by dropping a rock on them." Of course, there was no one below who could be killed on by the falling rocks, but Hecate was simply distraught over the very possibility. "I wish..I could make these rocks fit again, they look like they've changed, maybe one has a crack in it from all the rolling." Hecate whined and sat down looming over the rocks. He hated this, her mind hurt because she could not make it fit again. It wasn't the same, something was off, and it bugged her. It destroyed her.

"For all we know, they very well could, humans can do the queerest of things We've heard of them experimenting on dogs as well as other animals, have we not? They might have done so to us too. But the question is when... exactly when did they do that?"

Hecate's ears flicked, and she realized that Janus' voice had grown somewhat fainter. He moved over the boulder, and even though Hecate had figured this out a slight panic rang through her. Rushing, Hecate found that the pile rebuilding was a lost cause, and carefully flung the rocks off the edge, before racing to catch up with Janus. Hecate easily scaled the boulder and launched herself off the other side, landing almost perfectly. She still carried her stamina as well, and was hardly shaken by the leap off of the giant rock. Still, her happiness at jumping off the boulder were short-lived, as she was reminded of her failure in rearranging the rocks. "I failed at fixing the rocks..I had to toss them over the edge. They weren't perfect anymore, I wish I could have helped them...." She shook her head, and took into account what Janus had said.

"Humans..I never know what to think of them. Maybe they tormented us, but if they did, wouldn't they have cared...they wouldn't let their..experiments simply die, would they? Oh yes-yes they would. Why do I think so naively?"[b] Hecate's ears seemed to flick to show her sadness. [B]They throw us away like worthless toys, I know that. But we aren't worthless, right?" Her thoughts deviated from where Janus had at first lead them, but Hecate quickly put them back on track. "Maybe they did it after, or maybe before we were born? I wasn't born the same place as you, maybe..they did something to me before I met you? Such..horrible..nightmares. I have enough things like that to haunt me, brother. I certainly don't want to think about more that may have been true!" Her thoughts rambled, but she didn't seem to notice or care to try and stop them. To do so would only cause her one less distraction, and she needed those. Hecate then moved her head to look forward, "..I have the sudden need to run, brother. Maybe it will keep my head out of such dark thoughts, will you join me if I run without stopping?" Hecate simply tried to distract herself. She tried her best not to glance at the ground, even though she knew very well she would sooner or later, and again she would find herself rearranging the rocks into some odd pile.

[Janus]

"My thoughts aren't just jumbled..they're twisted, I think. They're like normal thoughts, but they have some differences that are very...unpleasant. it still doesn't mean you can't be older!"

Janus failed at hearing most of what Hecate had said as his head was pulsating with pain. He stood still, thinking that maybe the pain would ease a little bit if he didn't move an inch. His eyes were closed and he breathed steadily through his nose, smelling the scent of Hecate, the rocks and boulders and a very weak scent of leaves. A faraway forest. Janus wasn't sure what his sister had said, the only thing he'd heard clearly was her last statement. "True. But you're mighty old yourself, too." He said teasingly, but this time there could be heard a slight annoyance in his voice. The relatively good mood he had been in recently was beginning to fade away. The former herding dog tried his best in order to remain somewhat cheery, but it was easier said than done when one had a violent headache. Pain had always been one of the greatest distractions, and one of the greatest ruiners of moods.

"Damnation! I'm such a failure with this! I'll have to start all over again, and it won't be perfect like the the last time. Oh-oh-No, no, no! I can't leave them like this, I have to fix them."

It wasn't easy to understand these obsessions Hecate had, not even for Janus, but he did know that if she didn't 'fix' things she would feel immensely bad for not being able to correct these faults which were invisible to anyone else but herself, and he didn't want that. Sure, it could be annoying to always have to wait for her and try to be tolerant when it came to her issues (after all, she was tolerant when it came to his problems) - but it was difficult to not become irritated right now. Janus sighed, but didn't reply to Hecate's words. Was there even anything he could say to make things better? Perhaps there were a word or two he could say to make matters worse, or he could say something that wouldn't make a difference at all. So he just kept silent, for he knew that silence could be golden.

"..our problems...cured.. I wonder what it is like to..be cured. To be like everyone else, to not..see or think these horrendous thoughts! ..Maybe I'll go insane..in my own sanity, Janus, if they can do such a thing, I don't think I'd want to be a part of it. If you were cured, brother, you wouldn't desert me, would you? You would still..accept me, right?"

Janus contemplated the subject for a while. "I could never see myself deserting you, even if I would... change. Things would be different for sure, but our bond is too deep, it can't be severed by anything except by death - no, not even by that. I don't think I could ever live a life of a sane man, though. How could I, wouldn't the sanity just make me insane anew...?" He sighed. These thoughts he had in his head, they weren't easy to transform into sentences. Sometimes, what he thought were just too complex for him to put into words and he was afraid that what he said wouldn't make any sense at all. Did his words mean the same thing to the one he spoke to as they did to him, or did they have a different meaning altogether? Did they truly understand, could they truly relate, did they care at all? It was impossible to know for sure, nothing was certain in this world. How could he know that what he perceived was the same that everyone else perceived? Hecate was probably the only one who was honest when she said she understood him, and even though she might not always understand him completely (not even Janus himself could sometimes), she was the one who was closest.

"...Maybe. But what of anyone below? I hope I haven't killed anyone by dropping a rock on them. I wish..I could make these rocks fit again, they look like they've changed, maybe one has a crack in it from all the rolling."

"Well, that'd be too bad... but I really doubt that anyone is, or was, down there. Don't worry about it, Hecate," he said, nearly mumbled. It was getting more and more difficult by the second to keep his cynicism at bay. "Besides, if someone was stupid enough to walk around down there, they deserve to get a rock on their stupid heads," he said and snorted, "Such foolish foolishness." Janus mumbled a few indistinguishable words which probably didn't mean anything at all, they were just nonsense, but they sure did not sound very happy.

"I failed at fixing the rocks..I had to toss them over the edge. They weren't perfect anymore, I wish I could have helped them.... Humans..I never know what to think of them. Maybe they tormented us, but if they did, wouldn't they have cared...they wouldn't let their..experiments simply die, would they? Oh yes-yes they would. Why do I think so naively? They throw us away like worthless toys, I know that. But we aren't worthless, right? Maybe they did it after, or maybe before we were born? I wasn't born the same place as you, maybe..they did something to me before I met you? Such..horrible..nightmares. I have enough things like that to haunt me, brother. I certainly don't want to think about more that may have been true!

Suddenly, Janus felt bad for almost letting the immense pain he felt take him over. How could he ever be truly mad at Hecate? It was impossible, he could never... and if he ever did it wouldn't last for long and every second he'd spend with being angry at her he'd be constantly tormented by the sadness he'd feel. They only had each other and couldn't afford to get on each other's bad sides, at least not for long. "It's all right, maybe someone else will come fix the rocks in your place? I know that probably doesn't make you feel much better, since it isn't you who would fix them, but at least they would be fixed, right?" It wasn't a very good consolation, but at least it was something. "Humans are... impossible. Impossible to understand, and so changeable. One day they're your saviour, the other day the devil himself. They think we're toys because they think we're less worth, that we do not understand what they do - mayhap it is true, that we're not as intelligent as they are, but it doesn't matter. We have feelings, we're capable of feeling pain, and as long as we can do that they have no right to treat us the way they've done." Janus faced Hecate and gave her a gentle, if not a bit melancholic, smile. "Yes, we do not need to get any more nightmares. We're too busy with the ones we all ready have."

"..I have the sudden need to run, brother. Maybe it will keep my head out of such dark thoughts, will you join me if I run without stopping?"

Run? Yes, maybe that would help Hecate, but what about Janus? He could feel his headache calming down - it was truly like a roller coaster, this damned headache, constantly increasing or decreasing in power - as if it said to him 'Yes, accept her request and run. Run now while your legs are still capable of moving, do it.' So he nodded confidentially. "Yes, let us run!" Janus began to run down the mountain path as quickly as he could and Hecate would without a doubt be able to keep up with him, they were after all herding dogs who'd lived together since they were pups and were used to running at the same pace.